


Learning Curves

by Crazy_panda_25



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: All the time, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, I ship Wolfstar but thats not needed, Kinda, Peter Pettigrew is one of them, Sadness, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, Sirius Black is trying, Sirius-Marlene Friendship, Teasing, The Black's A+ parenting, The Marauders - Freeform, happiness, learning, teddy bear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:00:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24337804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazy_panda_25/pseuds/Crazy_panda_25
Summary: The first few months of first year are weird for Sirius in many ways. Like a learning curve that everyone else seemed to have passed years before he even got to it. With the help of his new found friends, he learnt what words were considered 'wrong', that blood status doesn't define who you are (he knew that before, distantly, but it’s been good to get clarity), how most families had vastly different attitudes towards their children than his family does and, most importantly, what a real friendship really is.Sirius isn't from the same families as the other marauders, watch as he tries to wrap his head around what normal is for the others and why he never got the same in his childhood.
Relationships: Not really the last one yet, Sirius Black & Marlene McKinnon, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 47





	Learning Curves

The first few months of first year are weird for Sirius in many ways. Like a learning curve that everyone else seemed to have passed years before he even got to it. With the help of his new found friends, he learnt what words were considered 'wrong', that blood status doesn't define who you are (he knew that before, distantly, but it’s been good to get clarity), how most families had vastly different attitudes towards their children than his family does and, most importantly, what a real friendship really is.

He's still learning though, still confused why James went off on a 'huff' (as Remus called it, some muggle phrase apparently) when he told them his birthday had been and gone without his knowledge but, even with the confusion, it still gives him an oddly warm feeling when he remembers James shouting 'why didn't you tell me? I thought I was your best friend!'

Remus, despite being the only one of them with an almost clear split of muggle and wizarding knowledge (a wide range of it all too), seems to be the most in tune to Sirius' confusion about certain things and, while James sometimes gets quickly annoyed at Sirius, Remus will explain what he's done wrong and why. It's so much easier to edge round the razor edge curve with someone to catch you if you fall. Remus seemed happy to be Sirius’ safety net, his eyes shining with joy when Sirius nods at him and thanks him for the explanation.

"Sirius, you're in another world again," James says, shaking his shoulder, a confused and concerned edge to his gaze that’s still new to Sirius, he meets his friend’s eyes questioningly, "What's up?"

"The sky," Sirius answers, laughing when James full on pushes him off the bed, hitting the ground hard, "hey! That hurt!" It didn't.

"Stop being a git and answer the question!" James complains, waving his arms around, looking shockingly similar to the Giant Squid to Sirius.

Sirius grins up at James, still sat on the floor, the joke on the tip of his tongue before he sees an object on the floor just under James bed, "Hey, what's this?" He retrieves the item, holding it up to James who looks momentarily horrified.

"Give that back," James shouts, angrily, reaching out to grab it off Sirius, who in surprise more than anything flinches and holds it out of his reach, "I mean it, Sirius, give it back."

The door opens, a confused looking Remus walking it, a small pile of books held under his arm. He disposes of the books on his bedside table and turns back to the two of them.

"What are you two doing? Sirius why are you holding a stuffed bear and James why are you shouting?" Remus asks, looking between the two of them confused, Sirius is sure his expression must mirror his.

Sirius hops up from the floor, still holding the soft 'stuffed bear' whatever that is, confused, "It was just under James' bed, I was just-"

"Please, Sirius, give it back," James says, his face red, in annoyance Sirius presumes.

"Fine, fine, calm down. I don't know what's so special about it, I don't even know what it is," Sirius answers, handing the clearly priceless object to James and folding his arms. When he looks back at the others, they are looking at him perplexed, including Peter from his place on his bed across the room doing his potions essay, "what're you looking at me like that for?"

"It's a teddy bear, a toy, you know, the things parents give children to play with?" Remus explains, laughing a bit at first but trailing off to bite his lip when Sirius raises his eyebrow, "you don't know." It isn't a said like a question nor does Sirius answer.

James protests half-heartedly at the notion that only ‘children’ have them. Remus ignores him, still looking at Sirius.

Sirius swallows, a new but now all too familiar confusion welling up in his chest, "I've just erm remembered, I've got detention with Slughorn. See you all later." Then he flees, ignoring Lily Evans sharp scold when he accidentally bumps into her in his haste to leave the common room.

\----

Sirius looks across the now dimly lit grounds, contemplating everything that's happened since he got to Hogwarts at the start of September. Sure, he'd been told by Andromeda that their family isn't like other people's but he didn't think everyone was this different. Just the lingering feeling of the soft object, that the others had familiarly named a teddy bear, didn’t make sense. Soft. Nothing had been soft about his childhood, just sharp words formed into commands that were not to be disobeyed. ‘ _You’re a Black, act like it’ ‘Back straight, Sirius, head up’ ‘Stop being a selfish child and do as we say’._ He hadn’t though, had he? They’d told him to be in Slytherin, he hadn’t been. They told him to stay away from non-pureblood families, he hadn’t. They told him to be grateful for everything they’ve given him, he isn’t, he hates it more than anything.

Sirius leans his head back against the safety bar that’s meant to separate the students in the Astrology Tower from the sear drop that surrounds it. His head is spinning and all he can think about is what else? What else doesn’t he get that every normal family does? What else is he sheltered from? What else emits light that he hasn’t had leaving him submerged in darkness?

“Don’t jump, that would be an awfully uninteresting end for the Black heir,” a female voice behind him says, Sirius jumps looking around to see the brunette first year Gryffindor girl that he’s seen a few times in the common room, “How could they make a good hooking newspaper article about that.”

Sirius laughs, despite himself, “Thanks for the concern, I think.”

He flinches when she climbs over the safety rail tediously to sit herself beside him.

“I’m Marlene McKinnon, half-blood. My mum’s a witch, my dad’s a muggle,” She says, pushing her hair behind her ear, “should I worry that you’re gonna push me off for that?”

“That’s not funny.”

“Who says I’m joking?

“I don’t care what your blood status is, Marlene,” Sirius says, sharply, tensing when she knocks his shoulder with her own, “What are you doing?”

Marlene makes a face, “Alright, spoil sport. No touching.”

“I didn’t say-“

“You didn’t have to.”

They’re silent for a while after that, watching darkness descend on the Hogwarts grounds. Sirius glances at Marlene every now and then in confusion, trying to work something out.

“It’s past curfew, you know?” Sirius says, breaking through the silence.

Marlene shrugs, “So?”

“You’re friends with Evans, Lily Evans, right? I thought-“

“That I’d be just like her?” Marlene rolls her eyes, giving him a disapproving glance, “I thought your friends would be here too, considering they think they’re rebels. Especially that Potter,” she pauses for a bit, “I wanted to be alone, it feels weird being around the others all the time.”

“How so?” Sirius asks, flinching slightly at his blatant curiosity, “Sorry, I- I didn’t mean to-.“

“No, it’s alright. I’m not really the friend type, I was home-schooled before coming here so I didn’t really have many friends. The other girls…they’re great don’t get me wrong…but I just needed some time to think. Away from people who don’t get it,” she looks at him then, “I think you get it.”

“Maybe. Probably more than them. Not the same though,” Sirius answers, shifting slightly, his eyes looking up into the newly revealed starry sky, “I get the feeling of wanting to be alone. I don’t think I belong here.”

“In Gryffindore? Perhaps you don’t now but the sorting hat doesn’t make mistakes, “ Marlene says, confidently, smirking at Sirius, “It’s only January. Give it a try, this time next year I’ll tell you I told you so.”

“Your confidence is admirable,” Sirius says, but he’s smiling now, “Maybe I’ll do that, McKinnon.”

“Good, now come on,” She stands up carefully, gesturing for Sirius to come with her, “Your boyfriend is worried about you. Be a gentleman and help me over.”

Sirius stands too, holding his hand out to give her a steady hand over the safety barrier, as he does this, he asks, “And who, may I ask, is my boyfriend?”

“That’s for you to work out, Black,” Marlene answers, finally getting her feet on the floor again, watching Sirius climb over alone, “Thanks for that.”

“What if I’d been a bigot, how would you have got back over?” Sirius asks, gracefully landing next to her, “You could have fallen.”

“Took my chances,” Marlene replies, winking, “I was right, wasn’t I?”

“Fine.”

\-----

The next morning, James throws a bun at Peter, who laughs, hitting it back with his hand. Remus and Sirius join in, Remus coughing around the pumpkin juice he’s just drank as Sirius laughs loudly. Peter grins when James glares at him, the picture of innocence.

“I hate you.”

Peter frowns, dramatically, “Hey! All I asked was what is it’s name! I’m genuinely interested.”

“It is a simple question, James,” Remus adds, smile only dimming slightly when James glares at him, Sirius feels him relax slightly beside him as he clearly sees the light edge to James’ glare, Sirius knows a real glare when he sees one and James doesn’t even come close.

“I’m being bullied, this isn’t fair!”

“We want a full introduction, Jamey, that’s all,” Sirius quips, “Or did you not name it? Wow, how worst parent ever of you.”

“Better subject! Forget the bear! Did you have fun with McKinnon last night, Mr ‘I’ve just remembered I have a detention with McGonagall’?” James redirects, curling his fingers in the air like air quotation marks.

Sirius rolls his eyes, lightly, “Firstly, it was Slughorn and secondly, she was also in the detention, just later, so we decided to detour afterwards. Have some fun.”

“Fun, ey?” James says, raising his eyebrows.

“Mind out of the gutter, James. Not everyone falls in love at first sight like you. Nor does everyone’s target of love glare at them at the mere sight.”

“Ouch,” James says, holding his chest in mock heart-break, his grin giving him away, “right where it hurts as well! You are cruel, Black.”

“You don’t know half of it, Potter.”

They hold each other’s gaze determined, something they’ve started doing to challenge each other’s stubbornness lately. Sirius usually wins but James keeps up his confidence that he will win every time. The challenge is usually started suddenly, the two somehow communicating with their eyes. There’s never real heat behind it.

“Arm wrestles would be far more fun to watch,” Peter states, offhandedly, making Sirius crack a humorous smile which in turn triggers James to choke on his hidden laughter. They break, almost simultaneously making it almost impossible to know who won short of using a time turner.

The Gryffindore table is alight with their laughter then, leaving older students to cast confused glances at them and the Slytherin table to glare daggers at them. Sirius can’t find it in him to care.

\------

Sirius lays in his bed, listening to James’ snoring from across the room, looking up at the top of the bed. He wonders vaguely whether he’s holding the still unnamed teddy as he sleeps seen as that’s what the others have implied people do with it. Remus pulled him aside when he’d come back from the Astrology Tower the night before, asking him tentatively if he’s okay considering the haze he left in. Sirius still can’t work out Remus, the sandy haired boy has this timid air about him when ever he inquired about information from the others. Far more tactful then James ever is. But at the same time, he seems scared that they’re going to shout at him or something. Sirius wonders the origin of that fear.

A light knock on his bedpost makes him jump, shaking him from his thoughts.

“Can I come in?” Remus’ voice asks, quietly, waiting for Sirius’ approval before cracking open the curtain and climbing on the bed beside Sirius, who sits up and moves over to give the other boy more room, “I thought you were awake.”

Sirius nods, taking his wand out from under his pillow and casting a wordless silencing spell around the bed like he does ever night since they came to Hogwarts.

“How did I give myself away?”

“There was no silencing spell up, you don’t go to sleep without it,” Remus answers, scratching at a scar on his arm, absentmindedly, “James and Peter are fast asleep.”

Sirius laughs, softly, “They always are, could sleep through anything,” Sirius pauses for a second looking at Remus, “Not to sound rude, mate, but did you need something or?”

Remus shakes his head, “Need, no. I wanted to make sure you were okay…”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Sirius asks, tilting his head, shifting to sit cross legged to mirror Remus.

“It’s not the end of the world, you know? Not knowing all about everything,” Remus looks down like he’s trying to construct what he’s saying before he does, Sirius vaguely thinks that’s something that he and James should do as well, “Not everyone does. Get it, I mean.”

Sirius shrugs, “James thinks it’s weird. My parents, they never-they aren’t the most- I don’t know. I thought everyone’s parents were the same, before. Like I knew my parents have very extreme views about different people but I never knew there was so much difference.”

Remus nods, “Is that why you don’t want to talk about the Christmas holidays?”

Sirius’ face drops, memories flooding back to him, “I don’t want to talk about that.” His tone is sharp, snappy.

Remus is silent, looking down at his hands for a few seconds, “I know, I’m sorry.”

Sirius shakes his head but says nothing.

“I just- I know it must be hard not to just forget what you’ve learnt here and just be like-like your family. I don’t want you to stop trying though.”

Sirius shakes his head again, “I won’t. I promised someone they could tell me they told me so next year if I actually work out how to fit in.”

Remus smiles then, his face lighting up with it. It’s not like Remus doesn’t smile much, he does, but there’s something calming and bright about the slightly younger boy’s smile. It makes him look younger, less tired. Sirius wants Remus to keep smiling like that.

“I think we should find a way to make James’ teddy bear walk around…” Sirius says, smirking when Remus laughs.

The night wares on leaving the two boys to discuss a plan of action, together. Sirius feels like he’s not alone, finally. Unbeknown to him, Remus feels the exact same.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are always welcomed and appreciated. Tell me what you thought! Thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed it! Stay safe everyone!


End file.
